


Carbos and Shank : Trailer Park Boys

by LD_Little_Dragon



Category: Baldur's Gate, Trailer Park Boys
Genre: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2209152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LD_Little_Dragon/pseuds/LD_Little_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the Attic Quiz 154: In an Alternate Universe, where I envisioned some Baldur's Gate characters as Trailer Park people.</p>
<p>Pure crack.  I make no apologies</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carbos and Shank : Trailer Park Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: vulgar language (partially deleted), crude and a bit obscene.
> 
> Complete rip-off of Trailer Park Boys
> 
> I just thought Carbos and Shank equal Cory and Trevor and went on from there, don't expect great literature, really. Or a plot.
> 
> If you've never heard of the series Trailer Park Boys, don't worry, all you have to know is that it's a mockumentary about the disreputable inhabitants of a low-class trailer park.

Interviewer: since our regular subjects, Edwin and Khalid, have been incarcerated, _again_ , this week we will be focusing on two of the younger members of the Sunnyvale community, Carbos and Shank.

-panoramic view of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, ending with a shot of two lanky, stunned-looking youngsters sitting on a dilapidated picnic table, outside a small trailer.

Carbos: You want to f-----g talk about us? Dude! That's like mother f-----g awsome!

Shank: Is this 'cause Edwin and Khalid are in jail again? Cause that s--t was totally not our fault.

Carbos: Yeah, how were we supposed to know that f-----g whore was a cop.

Shank: Edwin's plan was f-----g brilliant man. Almost worked this time too.

Carbos: You think they're mad at us Shank?

Shank: Nah, the best g-d----d booze and drugs are in jail, and it _wasn't our fault a-----e_.

Carbos: So like, we're just sorry they got caught, cause that f-----g Keldorn gets on our a----s when he's not chasing after Edwin and Khalid.

Shank: And that shirtless p---k Anomen. Thinks he's such a big shot just 'cause he's the f-----g assistant trailer park supervisor. Guy just fell apart after the police academy kicked him out. If Keldorn ever f-----g wises up and gets rid of the arrogant c---s----r he'll back right back where he was before Keldorn hired him.

Carbos: On the street, selling his a-- for a f-----g cheeseburger. P---k.

Shank: And that s--t Keldorn's not much better. F----d his way to the job, like, for real man.

Carbos: His ex-wife Mazzy just lets him run her park cause she feels sorry for the dumb f--k. Getting kicked off the police force and all.

Shank: Only now the b-----d gets to play cop on our turf.

-cut to inside of trailer, shot of trailer park supervisor Keldorn, a middle-aged, frustrated man, and beside him the assistant trailer park supervisor Anomen, a younger, muscular man with a pot belly, eating a hamburger, and not wearing a shirt.

Keldorn: Carbos and Shank? A couple of rotten little b-----ds. I know they're up to something, the little p----ks worship those two f---ups, Edwin and Khalid, and will end up as no-good trash just like those two.

Anomen: Yes, Mr. Keldorn.

-back to Carbos and Shank, now talking to Jan, a small man with very thick spectacles who is tinkering with a broken shopping cart.

Carbos: Come on man, you're like Edwin and Khalid's best f-----g friend, you gotta tell us where Khalid hid his seeds. We can like, grow the little f----rs for them so they'll have a stake when they get out of jail.

Jan: I'm not listening to you little b-----ds. You'll just f--k it up like always. -sees the cameraman- What are you guys doing here already, Edwin and Khalid won't be out for a couple more months. What do you mean you want me to talk about Carbos and Shank? What the f--k for?

-Shank and Carbos start walking and approach a young man dressed like an elf, although he is obviously human.

G-roc : It's f-----g hard to be an elf today, ain't got no memory, no time for reverie...

Carbos: Hey G-roc, looking good man.

Shank: Word.

G-roc: Keep your f-----g heads up, motherf----rs.

-they walk away from G-roc

interviewer: didn't that use to be Garrick?

Carbos: Hey, he's like G-roc now.

Shank: Yeah, and most every f----r in the park thinks of him as an elf now, it's not G-roc's fault he wasn't born a g-d-----d elf.

Carbos: F-----g bard got's balls too man. Got caught jacking off by his g-d-----d mom before his first concert, and then got up on stage and sung about it. S--t!

Shank: I saw my Grandda f-----g my Grandma once.

Carbos: Dude! That's like, f--k, screw you up for life.

Shank: They weren't alone either. Our neighbour, Bob, was there too, I saw his f-----g c--k and everything.

Carbos: S--t man.

-cut to shot of a prison visiting room. Seated at plain table, dressed in prison orange (almost red), are the suave Edwin, who somehow managed to have a drink at hand, and the man with the puppy-dog eyes, Khalid.

Edwin: I almost had it this time. Freedom 35, I'd never have to f-----g work again. I should never have trusted those little f-----g simians. (The plan was perfect, perfect.)

Khalid: Th..those two little s..s--ts never do anything right.

Edwin: Things will be different when I get out. My next plan will be f-----g great. I got a line on the new dope, Black lotus.

Khalid: I don't know, Edwin. I..I think this time I better try to keep my a-- out of jail. I mean, I f-----g love it here b..but I can't be in here and be a good daddy to Imoen at the same time. I think Jaheira might be willing to take me back for good this time. See, I figure ...

Edwin: Khalid, they want us to talk about Carbos and Shank (miserable little a-----e f---ups.)

Khalid: What the f--k for? This show is s..supposed to be about my f-----g life.

-cut to two women standing on the porch of a medium-sized trailer, Jaheira is wearing a strapless sundress and looks wistful, the red-haired Nalia has a look of disgust on her face.

Jaheira: I like Khalid, even if he is a s---ty father to poor little Imoen, but I have to say the way he and Edwin treat Carbos and Shank is g-d-----d horrible.

Nalia: Those two boys really look up to Edwin and Khalid, they're like f-----g role models, you know? And Edwin and Khalid just treat them like f-----g dirt.

Jaheira: Watch your language around my f-----g daughter, will ya?

Imoen: -looks up from where she is playing with some empty whisky bottles- Don't f-----g worry about me.

Jaheira: Imoen! You will not use bad language around here. Do you want to end up like your worthless father?

-cut to Carbos and Shank who are ripping apart Khalid's trailer

Carbos: S--t man! There ain't nothing here.

Shank: Maybe we should f-----g ask them where the stuff is.

Carbos: Great idea s---brain.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at gamejag 2006


End file.
